Zombie-in-laws
by Mrotrax
Summary: Semi-sequel to/extended version of Villain mistake 1. A series of events leads to Minato and Kushina coming back to life after the war is ended early, and hijinks ensue when they refuse to leave until they have at least one grandchild. And why is Kami getting involved? Future sex scenes and zombie violence. Narusaku
1. The move that changed everything

Zombie-in-laws

Plot: Semi-sequel to Villian Mistake #1. A series of events leads to both of our heroes' parents being brought from the dead, causing chaos of both dramatic and hilarious proportions to unfold.

Chapter 1

_17 years ago, Kurama, the great 9 tailed fox aka Kyuubi, attacked the village of Kohona. His tails lashed out, destroying mountains and causing earthquakes and tidal waves crashing onto dry land. _

_The ninja of Konoha, guardians of right and enemies of wrong, fought bravely, but they were no match against their ruthless enemy. They soon faced annihilation._

"Hold the attack and wait for Lord Hokage!" Choza Akimichi ordered his men, who grew as large as they could to battle the monster head on.

"It's getting closer!" Fugaku Uchiha roared as his men unleashed their fire style. "Don't let it near the village!"

_Two ninja faced the fox in mortal combat and managed to capture and seal the beast in a human body, saving their village and many innocent lives. _

_Unfortunately, the pair did not survive and the host was their newborn child._

_12 years passed before the child learnt what really happened on his birthday, but it would be another 4 before he learnt his parent's role in this. For most of that time, the child was hated, scorned and sometimes abused, yet never did his persistence fail._

_By the eve of his the child's 17__th__ birthday, he had gained friends and defeated many enemies, often befriending them in some way. A war had also broken out; a war between the 5 great villages and the terrorist organization Akatsuki, led by the same man who orphaned the boy._

_This is where our tale begins…._

Tobi plotted his next move from his base at Mountain's grave, irritation filling his being.

Things had been going fine, save for a few hiccups here and there, but nothing he couldn't work around. He had an unstoppable army of undead fighters, plus the Zetsu has snuck into camps and starting killing medics without anyone being able to tell the difference. This was going to become known as the shortest world war with not even two full days of conflict.

And then…HE had come along. The biggest thorn in his side since the day he had been conceived; the one person who had defeated more of his subordinates than any other and excelled at making things more difficult than they already where…. only child of his master.

The boy was once again single handily ruining his plans for the Moon's eye plan; with his new abilities, he could sense the Zetsu spies and was turning them into trees. At the rate he was going (damn clone spells), he'd be on the losing end.

"What do I have to do to get this little brat out of the way?"

Tobi didn't hate the boy solely because of him ruining his plans, though that was a huge reason; it was the boy's personality.

Before becoming the calm and meticulous masked criminal mastermind bent on world enslavement that he was today, Tobi had once been, as previously stated, a student of the brat's father: He'd been brash, impulsive, kind-hearted and caring to those around him with the dream of becoming leader of his village. He had lived by the motto 'those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than that.'

He'd abandoned that childish thought when the love of his life was killed by his best friend to save their home from destruction. Then he'd plotted to cast the world into an enteral sleep, where they'd be reunited and live the perfect life.

The fact the brat had his old persona and had never wavered was what Tobi hated the most about him.

It then struck Tobi; why hadn't he thought of it before? The boy's obvious weakness; he cared too much! Just like he used to.

A Zetsu suddenly appeared from the ground beneath him, haggard and out of breath.

"B-b-boss!"

"What seems to be the problem?" Tobi asked.

"Well….I got good news and bad news." The plant man explained after catching his breath. "The bad is that Sasuke has escaped our custody and is heading for the battlefield just as Itachi broke free of Reanimation. The good is that HE has somehow been resurrected."

Kabuto really did work fast, Tobi mused, some relief filling him. The resurrecting snake-freak had used his mentor to force himself into the alliance, but now that he was awake, he could move more freely while everyone tried to figure out his next move.

As for Sasuke, he'd helped him out of a feeling of clan loyalty and give Konoha something else to worry about, so no sweat off his back.

While his conspirator dealt with the masses, Tobi could handle the boy. All he needed was bait, and he knew just who to get….

**Divison One medical tent**

"PIGS DON'T HAVE HANDS!"

Sakura Haruno had been taking a quick breather from healing, chugging a water bottle down before taking a seat. As one of the best medical-ninja in the world (if the praise others had given her was any indication), her skills had been in high demand, and she had gained several admirers in the men she had saved.

With that knowledge, her mind suddenly turned to the two men in her life (Lee was nice, but would never be more than a friend); Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki. The former she'd been in love with for years…at least, that's what she thought, and the latter had become her best friend and confidante despite his obvious crush on her.

No, not crush, she corrected herself. Love. Naruto Uzumaki was in love with her and had been since he was at least 8 years old. Sasuke had, with the sole exception of the day they'd become a team, never looked at her with any romantic interest.

As to her opening quote?

The Neji-imposter may have fooled her with his chakra and injuries, but when the prodigy and genius had failed to correct her on Tonton the pig weaving hand-signs, he'd outed himself.

"Talk." She growled as she increased the force of her hold. The plant man did nothing but wheeze as purple fluid came from his mouth.

"Thank you Zetsu, that'll be all." A voice from behind her suddenly said.

Sakura turned just in time to see a man in a Rinnegan-like mask wearing black battle gear staring at her before he grabbed her by the mouth. Instinctively, the young woman swung down her arm in a chakra-powered karate chop, rending the limb from his body before he could make his escape.

"Good thing it was my Wood-style arm…" The masked man grumbled as he tied the dripping arm up. "Otherwise I'd be most irritated."

Sakura glared at her opponent. She knew who this was; he may have changed outfits, but it was still the same teleporter with phasing powers who had prevented Naruto from her from retrieving Sasuke on their third attempt and sent them to an alternate word; Tobi.

"Naruto's not here." She said as she entered her battle stance and preparing her reserve seal.

"I'm aware of that." The attacker smiled under his mask. "He'll be here shortly, though. I've placed everyone under a genjutsu that'll cancel when he makes it here. Besides, I'm here for you, young lady."

Sakura was quick to figure out the masked man's reasons for his action.

"That is the biggest cliché in the book!" Sakura glared as she swung her arm to strike her enemy. "Besides, you tried that already, and look how that turned out."

"That was in an alternate world." Tobi reminded her, as he drew his fan. "I know your every move, Ms. Haruno. Resistance is futile."

He then rushed at his target, who nimbly dodged and jumped whilst blocking the fan with a kunai. This lasted for about five minutes before Sakura lost her kunai and she leapt upwards, only to be grabbed.

"Got ya." Tobi smiled as he prepared to teleport.

"You mean I got you." She smirked as her foot made contact and the thin outline of a diamond appeared on her forehead.

Tobi was sent flying through the base, trees and through a boulder before his powers reactivated and he briefly teleported back to his personal dimension.

"Okay, first…WHAT?! Whew, okay, I'm cool now. She's trickier than I thought." He admitted. Losing an arm was one thing, but being caught off guard and sent flying through several tents and a forest with a kick? "No wonder the brat loves her."

Sakura rushed out of what remain of her tent and rushed to Shizune, hoping to at least cancel the genjutsu placed on her. She was quick to dispose of the still awake shinobi, correctly guessing they were Zetsu clones.

Unfortunately, pre-activating her reserve seal (a bad move on her part, she realized, but when faced with an S-class ninja she had no choice) had burnt up most of her chakra and left her tired after the plant men were defeated.

A cloth was suddenly tightly wrapped around Sakura's mouth as a familiar gloved hand appeared and forced her to the ground.

"Sleep." Tobi commanded as he forced the girl into a genjutsu, only to see her cancel it before her arms were tied, as where her legs. She struggled to do the signs for the jutsu to dispel knots, but found she couldn't produce the chakra for it.

"I applaud you for injuring me, young lady." Tobi smirked behind his mask. "But those aren't ordinary binds; they come from the First Hokage's cells."

He then detected his mentor ominous energy and picked up his prisoner, who tried to insult him under her gag.

"Time to get going. Let's see how long the 9 tails lasts when protecting the one he loves." He smiled evilly as he teleported to intercept his master.

When Naruto's clone arrived to the now in ruins base, he found a note addressed to him. Upon reading it, he ripped it up and dispelled, sending the information to the original, who started thundering towards the edge of the island.

"Madara…." He growled.

**To be Countinued….**

Read Villian Mistake 1 before going onto the next chapter…


	2. We're back, you know?

Zombie-in-laws

Happy Halloween folks of Fanfic! Enjoy!

To my many loyal readers, I thank you for your patience and appertiate you, I truly do. I'll try to update when I can, but school keeps me busy. If you want to adopt a story, send me a message.

Enjoy and stay safe this Halloween

**Chapter 2: We're back, ya know?**

"Lady Hokage?" A Jounin bowed to the beautiful 5th Hokage as she and the other Kages rested up from their battle with Madara.

"Yes?"

"We have a…situation that requires your attention." The ninja said. "Well, technically two…but you get the idea."

The leader of the Hidden Leaf village sighed, put her robe and hat on and went to investigate.

There stood her predecessor, the blonde, spiky haired fourth Hokage along with someone who had caused both of her beloved surrogate children a boatload of heartache; their old teammate, Sasuke Uchiha.

"Lady Tsunade." He bowed respectfully. "Wonderful to see you again. The years have treated you well."

"Now Minato," Tsundae lightly smiled. "Jiraiya should've taught you, fattery will get you nowhere."

"I'm being honest." The older male blonde smiled. "What can I do for you? I was just asking my son and his girlfriend here…"

"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!" The teens roared, making their former comrade inch back a little.

"I'd like us to be, though…" Naruto said to himself.

"…when I could expect some grandkids, considering my son just saved the world without blowing anything up." Minato smiled.

"Is there a particular reason you're still here?" The female kage asked her late teammates' greatest student.

"Well, Mr. Orochimaru over there cut me and the others out of the reaper's stomach, effectively freeing me from the seal I placed. To do so, he used some of those white plant guys made from your grandpa's cells as vessels for our spirits. While that explains why we didn't vanish along with the other Edo Tensei zombies, it seems that until that happens or the Reaper comes back, though that's unlikely, I think I'll be able to stick around and bond with my son."

Tsunade smiled as father and son hugged before turning her attention to Sasuke.

"I'm not going to lie, you caused a hell of a lot of trouble." Tsunade glared at the young man. "Betraying the village, joining two criminal organizations, stealing artifacts, sparking a fourth world war…."

"Don't forget stabbing me in the lung three times!" Naruto roared, only to be glared. "What? It hurt!"

Ignoring her surrogate grandson and hopeful successor, Tsunade turned to the last Uchiha.

"The only reason I have not killed you where you stand is because your teammates, both of whom I love like they were my own children, have begged for you to be brought back. And before you say you 'don't care what those losers think', keep in mind that they have fought peope stronger than you and are the reason you're alive."

"Whatever." Sasuke sighed. "I'll do my time when we get back…then I'll be taking your hat and title."

….

….

….

Under any other circumstance, Sasuke's words would've caused a riot (by which I man Naruto would've yelled at him) and he probably would've been flattened into a pancake before Tsundae gave him yet another lecture.

But not today.

A pair of hands suddenly burst from the ground, scraping the grass before something shot out. Everyone jumped back as something with long, smooth red hair that flayed in the wind, almost like Kurama's tails. Their face was hidden and they swayed back and fourth, gasping.

A mighty roar filled the air, shaking the world. All the ninja rushed to the scene, only to freeze at the sight of the redhead

"OI!" The redhead roared. "16 years in the Underworld gives you the worst cricks!"

"No way…" Naruto tensed.

"It can't be…" Minato noted.

"That's impossible!" A shuddered.

The father and son broke away from the crowd and could no longer hear

"Kushina?" Minato asked, praying this wasn't a dream.

"Mom?"

"THAT'S YOUR MOM?" His friends all screamed, unable to believe that not only had their friend come from the loins of the world's greatest hero, but his mother was one of the most beautiful kunochi to grace the planet.

"After today," Ino declared. "Nothing will surprise me."

"Somehow, I doubt that." Shikamaru quipped.

"MY BABY!" Kushina screamed as tears fell down her eye and she hugged her son, who retruned the embrace. "My sweet little Naruto. You've grown so big."

Mianto, tears in his eyes, joined the hug and kissed his wife and son.

"Ma….Pa…." the child of destiny whimpered, years of pent-up tears leaving his body.

"Lame!" Kiba and Kankuro hollered, only to be smacked by a tearful Hinata, Ino and an enrage Temari.

"Shut up dog-breath/Kiba-kun/baka!" They roared. "You're ruining a beautiful family moment!"

The others glared at their dog-using friend, who promptly shut up.

There were quite a few tears in the audience; Gaara wept tears of joy, happy for his friend

That was, until Kushina's legs suddenly fell off.

"What was that?" She asked. "And why do I feel funny?"

"Uh, Mom…" Naruto pointed out. "There's a hole in your chest."

Glancing down, Kushina saw there was indeed a rather large hole that took up most of her torso. She remembered where it came from, shielding her newborn baby from an out of control Kurama.

"Oh." She noted. "Why, yes there is. Minato-sweetie, would you be a dear and reattach my body?"

"Of course, my darling." Minato said as picked up his shapely wife's legs. "AND DON'T ANYBODY LOOK WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T!"

Many of the men (and some women) turned around, not wanting to be on the receiving end of the legendary Hokages wrath.

"It's not working." Minato said as he tried to reattach his wife after several failed attempts. "Anybody know how to heal a…"

"Minato…." Kushina growled angrily, making her son wince in fear;

"I was going to say…" He struggled to find the words, but sent a pleading look to the masses for some help. Sakura relcunatntly went up and eventually succeded.

"Sakura?" Kushina asked. "Is that you? You've grown since you were just a little baby."

Sakura was surprised Naruto's mother knew her name

"Your mom and I were best friends." Kushina explained. "In fact, we were going to try and set you two up."

She then bowed.

"Thank you for looking after my son."

Sakura then bowed, still in shock.

"Oh no, Lady Kushina, Naruto…I mean your son has looked after me and…."

"How you feeling mom?" Naruto asked, getting a nod of thanks from his beloved. "Any better?"

"Well," Kushina mused. "My skin is grey and cracked, I'm missing an eye, feels like my jaw could fall off at any second and for some reason I have the strangest craving for…brains."

That got everyone's attention.

"Now that you mention it….me too." Minato said.

Everyone tensed.

"Edo tensei don't eat human flesh!" Onoki hissed.

"You're forgetting the Kushina-dono literally crawled out of the underworld." Mei reminded her short and elderly fellow Kage. "I can't imagine she's eaten much."

Kushina then spotted Orochimaru, who was suddenly wishing he wasn't here.

"Kabuto, I do believe I hear the Oto ninjas calling us." he hesitantly said, signalling his right hand it was time to go. Before they could however, they were ensnared in chakra chains.

"You….." She hissed. "You dare put your hands on my baby and make his life miserable!"

"No, stop Kushina! Please, forgive…" The rogue begged before she brought her jaws down and ripped off the skin of his arm.

"Hm." She muched. "Not bad at all."

Kabuto tried to save his master, but Minato leapt on him, stabbed his palms with kunai and salivated.

"This is for almost killing my son."

He then ripped off the medic's face and promptly devoured him in one bite (making several clans faint) before going to join his wife.

"How'd he taste?" Kushina asked as blood dripped from her chin, only to be licked by her husband. The hole in her chest was now healed up, her long hair blocking the view of perverts who would've killed to see her.

"Like a mix of earth, spiders, bones, sound and twins." Minato smiled. "Have I ever said you look so beautiful covered in blood?"

"Why Minato…" Kushina smiled as she ripped out Orochimaru's pancreas and fed it to her husband. Soon, they not only devouring one of their son's enemies, but…well….

Making love in front of the entire alliance.

What remained of their clothes had come off first and been thrown onto Sasuke's face. The Uchiha promptly panicked and went to hide behind Choji.

"WHY IS NO ONE STOPPING THIS?" The snake Sannin, his neck fully extended begged as Kushina munched on his liver and Minato slurped up his intestines after snapping his neck.

Throughout all of this, the Konoha 12 had been frozen in shock, fear and disgust, yet no one, not even the shy Hinata, had fainted. Sugietsu and Karin had, and Jugo was struggling not to puke all over the ground.

"Oh god…" Sakura gagged. "Now, I've seen some gross things as a medic…"

"And Orochimaru's done some disgusting shit…" Sasuke whimpered, barely able to hold his puke in when Minato ripped off Orochimaru's leg and started eating his foot.

"But this is definitely the worst?" Naruto asked, having inwardly puked in Kurama's half of his mindscape when his parents took a bite out of Orochimaru's neck.

"**OH GOD IT'S EVERYWHERE!" **The biju roared. **"NARUTO, YOU OWE ME BIG TIME!"**

"Just imagine what they'll be like when we take them back to the village." Shino said.

All the Konoha natives tensed and prayed to Kami that the zombie parents would be merciful.

Soon however, they'd realized they wouldn't have had to worry…

Next time: Zombies in the village, parental payback!


	3. Parental Payback

Zombie-in-laws

**Chapter 2: The Village is in BIG Trouble**

What's scarier than a zombie chasing you? A zombie with super-speed and or chain powers that knows you abused its child.

The Konoha members of the ninja alliance could honestly say that they had been dreading coming home.

After their rather…unforgettable revival, Minato and Kushina finally realized what they'd been doing and ran off in embarrassment. It took their son to find them and admit that, while he was unnerved, was just happy to have them back in his life. Naruto also, in a small bit of uncharacteristically leader-like behavior, ordered Ino to get all the Yamanakas to erase the memories of the other ninjas involved.

Then there had been the battle of the ages, which made up for the lack of saving the world:

Minato and Kushina vs. Sarutobi…..

"_I can explain!" Sarutobi hollered as deflected many of Minato's kunai with his staff_

"_I don't want to hear it!" Minato and Kushina both screamed. "You could've kept Kurama a secret! You could've just said we sealed it into the ground and that our son might have gotten the leftovers! You could've made sure only the elders knew! Oh! And you could've adopted him, you stupid, chain smoking, limp-dicked, perverted, overly nice senior citizen!"_

_Hashirama and Tobirama simply watched in amazement as their student was pummeled with an inch of his un-life by the descendant of Mito and their blonde brother-in-rank._

"_Mom, dad…" Naruto said. "As much as I kind of agree with what you're saying…the Old man was still the first person who made my life liveable, so…."_

"_Ease off on killing him again?" Minato asked_

"_Y-yeah."_

_Kushina grumbled, memories of when Sarutobi helped her filling her head_

"_You owe him big time, Smokey Saru."_

_Tobirama and Hashirama suddenly burst into laugher_

"_Smokey Saru! That's a good one!" Hashirama teared._

"_I'm keeping that one." Tobirama smirked as he jotted the name down in a suddenly appearing notebook_

Shortly after that, the First 3 Hokage returned to the underworld, happy to have helped…even though they really didn't do much. With that, the war was decreed over at only 3 days of fighting and everyone returned home.

Throughout the whole trip, Minato and Kushina stood nearby their son, learning everything about his life. They'd never been prouder….

"THEY WHAT?!"

Or angrier when they finally learnt the…less than pleasant events of their son's life so far.

"At least he avoided it until the end." Shikamaru whispered.

With that knowledge, the two had stormed into the village and taken over the Hokage mansion the minute Tsundae had brought everyone up to speed.

"Honey." Kushina sighed. "I'll handle this."

She ignored the hoots and hubba-hubbas (Naruto on the other hand snarled as shoutbed 'that's my mom, you pigs!) before clearing her throat.

"This is a cookie jar; we'll say it's my son." Kushina explained to the masses as she pulled something from behind her. "THIS is a cookie; we'll say it Kurama."

She then did what most people would do with the two objects; place the cookie in the jar.

"Now…has the jar become the cookie?" She growled.

"No, and what does this have to do with…Oooooh." The civilians (minus the Ichirakus) said in realization.

"I regret so much…" Several of the academy instructors and Naruto's former classmates whimpered. Iruka, who was watching from the sides, took 'slight' pleasure at this.

"Now, let's talk about punishment…" Kushina smiled evilly as her hair began to flare and she cracked her knuckles. "This is a military dictatorship after all, and harming a solider, never mind the child of one, is punishable by…well, you idiots should be able to figure it out."

One particularly brave (or stupid, your choice) civilian, Hibachi, stepped forward

"L-Lord and Lady Uzumaki…." He started, only to be grabbed by chains and then pulled upward.

"You nearly got my baby killed…" Kushina growled, remembering a childhood memory of Naruto's; Hibachi had at first been a normal bully, but he crossed the line when he sent her son to an area filled with enemy ninja on the pretense he'd become his friend if he did. If it hadn't been for Kakashi and Iruka…

"Minato, control your wife!" Elder Homura demanded, only to be glared at by the undead father, who pinned him and Koharu to the wall with kunai.

"Silence." The Fourth Hokage growled. "We'll get to you soon enough."

"I warned you." Tsunade smiled impishly at the sight, happy that the elders who had plagued her to no end where getting some payback.

"People of Konoha." Minato started, causing all to fall silent. "Unless you want me to get angry, do not utter another word until I'm done and FUCKING listen to me."

Minato had never once sworn in his entire life.

"You have disappointed me more than I have disappointed myself. I grew up loving this village; it took an orphan like me off the streets and molded him into something great; so great in fact, that only his wife and Raikage A rivalled him. When I finally became Hokage I was so grateful and happy to be giving back to my home…but not nearly as happy as when I learnt I was going to have a son."

Tsume Inuzuka, Choza Akimichi, Kizashi Haruno and Hiashi Hyuuga listened well to their old friend's words; remembering how he'd been grinning like his wife when he told them about the baby. Heck, Hiashi and Kizashi remembered him doing the can-can all throughout their class reunion.

"Many of you would understand the feeling; knowing a life that you had a part in will soon be with you." Minato continued. "A life that will depend on you, look up to you, model itself around you…A life that, even before it begins, you know you would happily die to protect."

"My life on October 10th, 17 years ago this hour was perfect; a beautiful wife, soon-to-be bon son, leader of my village and a bright future….As I sealed away Kurama, I thought that, when I passed, my son would receive the same treatment I had, so as my final wish and order as a Kage, I entrusted every single person in the village to guide, nurture and respect him for what he did before he could even speak or walk."

Kushina then walked to join her husband, her hand over his. As she cleared his tears, a shadow clone of their son (the real one with his friends), came up and hugged him.

"Dad…." Naruto whispered. "This can wait…"

Minato silenced his son with a raise of his hand and sighed.

"But it seems I had too much faith in you people. Instead…." Minato growled, his chakra flaring. "From within his mind, we saw our child fall down with almost no one bothering to pick him up, starving him, and forcing him to live in dumps unsuitable for rats. We felt his 11 year long stretch of loneliness and anguish. We wished beyond all else to comfort him, even if only slightly…But Shingami wouldn't let us. Any half decent parent can understand the feeling."

"Now look at him." Kushina smiled as she looked at her son, pride at him obvious in her tone and eyes, as was hatred to those she spoke to. "He's secured more alliances than any other shinobi, had a bridge named after him when he was 12 and saved this village from one of the most powerful shinobi to grace the planet. Only then he did that did you give him the respect he deserves…."

"Don't forget de-facing Hokage Monument in broad daylight while wearing an orange jump-suit before he graduated." Minato added. "Seriously, why does no one ever remember that?"

**[AN: Fanfics don't count and you know it]**

"And how come I never thought of it?" Kushina asked aloud.

Kizashi, seeing his wife wasn't looking, smirked in the crowd, proud of the boy for doing it.

"Nevertheless, despite our anger at YOU PEOPLE, we are even more proud of how mature our son has handled the situation." Minato smiled as he wrapped an arm around Naruto. "He's even helped others in similar situations become better people and do you know how may time revenge entered his head? Once, after the murder of my dear teacher and his godfather…"

"Who I will be having a LONG talk with in the near future." Kushina butted in. No one questioned how; they knew Kushina would somehow do it.

"…And despite all this…he grew up to be an even greater man than we could've hoped for." Minato smiled as he Hirashined down to hug his real son before returning to join his wife, who smiled loviningly at him.

"However, while our son has rather maturely decided to forgive and forget; we, as parents, can and will not stand for this."

Everyone froze in fear. They knew what this meant…

"I'd run if I were in your shoes." Naruto whispered to the crowd.

Kushina had decapitated Hibachi with a twist of her chains before turning her attention to the elders in and smiling evilly.

"I never really liked you old croods much anyway." She laughed as she rammed a hand through Homura's neck and sliced Koharu in half. She didn't eat them however; knowing that unlike Orochimaru, their battle skills had waned into non-existence and they'd probably be too chewy for her tastes.

Minato, roaring like a man possessed, flung his kunai throughout the now dispersing crowd. Runnning did nothing but enrage him even more.

Soon, there was a mountain of half-eaten corpses in the village center

"Now, think about what you've done, you know?" Kushina smiled. "We'll pick this up in the morning. Come along, sochi. Ichiraku's awaits."

That was the way the village functioned for a week; Minato and Kushina would awaken and go on a day-long killing spree to avenge any misdeed done unto their son; from the most severe (being kicked out of the orphanage at age three and a half) and something that seemed incredibly minor (trying to get into his good graces after insulting him without truly meaning it).

Throughout all of this; two figures watched the scene with interest:

Black Zetsu with seething hatred towards the younger blonde…the brat had ruined mother's machinations to the point it would take at least another 600 years before he could try again. Naruto Uzumaki had to die.

The other figure, their presence undetectable even by Naruto's powers, smiled and thought.

"This is going to be fun…"

**Read and Review!**

**For anyone who comes close to guessing who the second figure is, a virtual cookie.**

**And now, for the very first time…**

**Mrotrax presents….**

**OMAKE: You're a Mean One, Mrs. Otsuki**

The mother of Chakra, the rabbit goddess. Kaguya Otsuki went by many names. For some reason, she found herself floating in a void.

Suddenly, a voice cried out:

**Onoki**: You're a mean one, Mrs. Otsuki.

"What in…"

**A:** You really are a heel.

"A what?"

**Gaara:** You're as cuddly as a cactus,

**Tsunade:** And as charming as an eel,Mrs. Otsuki.

**Might Guy**: You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

She suddenly sensed more presences, all holding scripts and dressed in formal attire.

**Army**: You're a monster, Mrs. Otsuki!

Hashirama and Madara, moving their hands like conductors, motioned the army (who were suprisingly good at sing) to raise their voices to the max.

**Army**: Your heart's an empty hole!

**Shino:** Your brain is full of spiders.

**Tenten**: You've got garlic in your soul, Mrs. Otsuki!

**Jiraiya: I** wouldn't touch you with a…Thirty-nine and a half foot pole!

For some reason, the Rabbit goddess found herself offended and slightly hurt by the pervert's comments.

**Kiba, leading the Inuzkua clan:** You're a foul one, Mrs. Otsuki.

**Hinata**: You're a nasty wasty skunk.

Ino then appeared out of nowhere and emptied a laundry basket onto Kaguya.

**Ino:** Your heart is full of unwashed socks.

**Lee:** Your soul is full of gunk,

**Army:** Mrs. Otsuki!

Kakashi suddenly appeared in his game-show clothes, with three other characters hidden in shadows.

**Kakashi**: The three best words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote:

One by one, the lights shine on the hidden characters, revealing…

**Sarutobi**: Stink!

**Shikamaru**: Stank!

**Sakura:** Stunk!

Kaguya took the skies in an attempt to fly away from the crazy mortals, trying to drum out their 'whoas' and activate the Infinte Tsykomi, only to sense nine presences and feel the hot breath of nine giant mouths.

**The Biju**: You nauseate me, Mrs. Otsuki!

The Rabbit-Godess suddenly found herself yanked upside down

**Kurama/Shukaku**: With a nauseous super nos!

She was tehn pulled toward the two zombies, just finishing off Orochimaru and Kabuto.

**Kushina:** You're a crooked jerky jockey…

**Minato:** You drive a crooked horse…

**Army**: Mrs. Otsuki!

The Rabbit goddess suddenly found slammed between two massive slices of bagette with mushrooms and a mysterious vegetable.

**Hashirama**: You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich,

The fourth Hokage suddenly appeared over the sandwich and opened a bottle, releasing a molasses like liqud.

**Minato**: With arsenic sauce!

The two zombies then licked their lips as the mother of chakra tried in vain to escape. As she tried in vain to break free, the last sight she ever had was the entire army singing the final line at the top of their lungs:

**Army (lead by Naruto):** You're a mean one…MRS…OTSU….KI!"

No one heard her screaming in anger and insanity over the singing.

And with that, the Naruto series ended and this story begins.

XXXX

"Well." Tonrei Otsuki sighed. "Guess our movie is not happening. Pack it up guys!"

Sounds of discontent were heard throughout his supporters.

"But I was going to be the reason SasuSaku and ChoKar happen!" The strongest supporter whined, pulling out several sheets. "I even had my speech planned and everything!"

"I know, my friend." Tonrei sighed. "But the author of this story clearly doesn't care for the canon pairings/endings and without my ancestor, we have no need to get involved."

"Not necessarily…" The Kunochi said.

"Eh?"

"The author is planning to adapt several movies for his Team Dobe universe…including The Last. And he isn't against the canon ending per say…he does agree it was rushed though, and still has pairing favorites. Not quite enough to agree with banning though."

"But Team Dobe still in the first major arc of 8 arcs!" Tonrei sighed. "And with his college and work schedule, he can't update on a regular basis, never mind his Junchuriki Gundam and Loyalty to my Mother stories!"

"Well, maybe someone will help him."

**What you think? My first omake, feel free to redo/expand.**


End file.
